I find myself completely frustrated by anything and everything lately. Nothing can go the way that I want and no one follows through with the things I think they should. Yes, this is most definitely the narcissistic Bethanie speaking today.
The biggest frustration in my life right now is work. I know, you are all thinking that work is probably the most common frustration known to mankind, but, for me, the frustration comes on two fronts.
First of all, I work myself into the ground constantly and barely mange to stay ahead of the next curveball. Sometimes, I don't even manage to stay ahead and find myself spending extra hours and days playing catch up when we're hit with an unexpected project.
Secondly, I never get to see the ones I love. Sure, I get one or two nights a week with my family, but never all at once. I haven't spent any decent time with The Boy since we went on vacation. The best time we've gotten is me sitting on one end of the couch, reading, while he plays COD on the other end. I couldn't tell you the last time we had a decent conversation. Maybe this is the way relationships go? All I know is that our time together gets shorter and shorter with each passing week and I resent more and more the hours that I spend at work while he's at home and the hours he works while I try not to stay home.
The separation feeds my depression and I feel alone and unwanted. I know it's not his fault, or mine, for that matter. Maybe the weeks off and on vacation skewed my idea of how much time we should have together. Maybe I'm just being crazy. Goodness knows, I haven't been able to sleep much lately. The recurring nightmares are hell.
Even when we're together, I miss him. Is it wrong to want more than a quick kiss good morning or good night a few days a week? Am I asking too much to be allowed more than an hour or two a week of time with him?
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